The Whiners, #15
Featuring John and Dave, two "intelligent" college sophomores trying to make it through till tomorrow...
Pukey, Vomity, Chunky
Late October, 1997
In today's Whiners episode, one of our heroes moves on.
"Early" morning, about 9am on a Friday. John is working at his computer. Dave is waking up.
<John> Morning, Dave.
Dave mumbles something.
John takes a look at Dave.
<John> Dave? Not feeling well?
<Dave> Why would you say that?
<John> You haven't seen your hair recently, have you?
<Dave> I just woke up. So let me think...the last time I saw my hair was probably last night after Polo practice. Why? Is it messed up?
<John> No Comment.
<Dave> Bah. I'm gonna go get a shower now.
Dave walks to the door, somewhat dazed. He grabs his shower kit and proceeds to walk to the door.
<John> Hey Dave, can you open the door when you go out? Oh..waitasec...you kinda would have top open the door. Although knowing you, you'd likely try to walk through the door.
>Thunk<
Dave takes a step back from the door and notices a rather large grease spot where his head hit the mirror.
Dave sighs.
<Dave> It's been just a little too long....ACK!
<John> What?
Dave grabs a comb and combs his hair.
<John> Is that really necessary?
<Dave> Yeah. I don't want to scare anyone...
<John> Oh, get out of here...
Dave completes combing his hair and exits the room. John puts on a Weird Al Yankovic CD.
Half an hour later, Dave walks back in.
<Dave (whining)> Oh no...turn that off...
<John> No. I hardly ever get to listen to my music.
<Dave> You know I can't stand Weird Al...he has an annoying voice...
<John> No.
<Dave> Oh come on, John...you know I can't stand him...
<John> Dave, I won't turn it off if you don't get dressed.
Dave suddenly realizes he's been standing around whining in his towel.
<Dave> Oh. Ok.
Dave puts on a pair of boxers.
<Dave> Ok, I'm dressed.
<John> That's NOT what I had in mind...
<Dave> Deal with it.
Later that day...
John returns from the dining hall with "breakfast." It's after 3pm.
<John> Hey Dave...you know that hall council election they had last night?
<Dave> Yeah, what about it?
<John> They're having another election tonight.
<Dave> Oh? Why?
<John> Turns out someone was stuffing the ballot box. There were three times as many ballots returned as there were people who voted.
<Dave> I suppose that could do it.
<John (reading newspaper)> hm...this is interesting...tropical depression Erika was the first named storm this year.
<Dave> Yeah. That's because they don't name my depressions.
<John> You couldn't resist, could you Dave?
<Dave> No, I couldn't.
Pinky and the Brain come on TV.
<John> At least you have your cartoons.
<Dave> Yeah.
<Brain> Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
<Pinky> I think so, Brain, but if you replace the P with an O, my name becomes Oinky.
<Brain> No, Pinky...
<Dave (in a Brain voice)> Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
<Dave (in a Pinky voice)> I think so, Brain, but if you replace the P with a K, my name becomes Kinky.
<John> I can do better than that.
<Dave> Oh?
<John> Yeah. "I think so, Brain, but if you replace the P with a Q, my name becomes unpronounceable."
Dave starts laughing and comes as close to falling off his bed as possible, considering it's pretty hard to do that from his position.
<Brain> Yes!
<Dave> hmmm....What would Brain sound like if he were climaxing?
John falls off his chair laughing.
(Note- if you don't get the jokes here, don't feel bad. Unless you also have no life and watch cartoons, we wouldn't expect you to. For the record, Brain's "Yes!" is long and drawn out, with lots of bass.)
Pinky and the Brain go into commercials, and an advertisement for "Bananas in Pajamas" comes on.
<TV (singing)> Bananas, in Pajamas, are running down the stairs...
<John> Oh, look! it's the Banana Bastards!
<TV> Bananas, in Pajamas, are chasing teddy bears...
<Dave> Someone shoot them for me.
John mutes the TV.
<John> How's that?
<Dave> Better. Thanks.
Dave's phone rings.
<John> Blah.
<Dave (to phone)> Yes....No....Yes....Yes...Um...now?...Sure...Ok, see you soon....Bye.
<John> I take it you've decided?
<Dave> Yes. I'm going back home.
<John> I see. Good luck.
<Dave> Thanks.
And thus, the Whiners in its current incarnation ends. Because of circumstances somewhat beyond his control, Dave has left school and returned home.
John is an Electrical Engineering major Honors student who found the words "Pukey, Vomity, Chunky" on the top of a Whiners notes page, but is at a complete loss about what they're referring to.
Dave was a Comp Sci major Honor student and a great friend to all of us here. We'll miss him.
